Sly's Tackle It Tuesday Holiday Edition + Inner Champion Workbook: Chapter 9: Find Strength in Adversity

Disclosure: If readers purchase a copy of the book through the above link, I earn a small commission from Amazon.

Today's post is written by my social activist alter-ego, Sly Fawkes.

Lessons I’ve learned from challenging experiences:

When it comes to people who are hateful towards me, I've learned that it really isn't me, it's them. Note that this does not prevent the things they say from hurting or stop me from going into a downward spiral of self-loathing in every case. However, these days I am more likely to consider the source. 

If you feel the need to say crappy things about another person, it says more about you than it says about that person. I am not talking about criticisms of bad behavior, I am talking about ad hominem attacks and negative stereotypes. 

dumb blonde

lazy welfare recipient

lazy fatty

lazy (insert race here)

slut

they could just try harder

at least I'm not...

like a girl

maybe if they laid off the cheeseburgers

it's for their own good

users are losers

just get a job

if they just tried they could (insert oversimplified action here)

if they just didn't look so gay people wouldn't pick on them

godless (person who doesn't worship as I do)

disgusting bum

looks too healthy to be sick

probably faking their illness to get out of things

needs to just be more positive

was probably asking for it

Have you ever said any of these things?

Then your New Year's resolution should be to stop being judgmental and hateful. You don't know what anyone else is going through or what conditions or circumstances led them to be where they are now.

Even "if I can do it anyone can" is no excuse for being horrible to someone else. No, not "anyone can." Everyone's circumstances are different. 

Five ways I can positively channel negative energy in my life:

1. You think I'm bad at the things I do? Fine, you are welcome to think that. I'm going to do them anyway.

2. Try to educate through action. I hate the fact that damn near everything I read has to have its Moment of Size-Shaming, which immediately lowers my opinion of the work and its author. It doesn't make me popular, but I call this out wherever I see it. I also try to put my money where my mouth is. I try to have at least one large character in every story who makes a positive contribution. Actions rather than appearances are what makes a person good or bad. Fat is not synonymous with slovenly or lazy. Small is not synonymous with weak. Old is not synonymous with incapable. 

3. Realize that seeking approval from others doesn't work. Anyone who needs me to be perfect or they will ostracize me is not someone I want to keep company with.

4. Tell my story so that others who are being bullied and ostracized realize that they aren't alone.

5. Engage in activism. Try to encourage change in the way people like me are treated. Call out the use of words like "obese," which are used to stigmatize, shame, and silence larger people. 

Obese is a word used to excuse poor treatment of larger patients, to shame them into silence, and to practice lazy medicine, attributing any malady the patient reports to their adipose tissue. This attitude results in dead patients, and I'm not being hyperbolic when I say that.

Ellen Maud Bennett was a 64-year-old Canadian woman. She had been feeling ill for years, but every time she went to a doctor to try and find out what was wrong, they told her that if she just lost weight, she would feel better. When a doctor finally took her seriously, it was discovered that she had stage 4 ovarian cancer. She died a short time later.

Ovarian cancer is extremely treatable in the early stages. If doctors had listened to Ellen instead of dismissing her because of her physique, she would probably still be alive.

Ellen did not want her death to be in vain. In her obituary, she called out the lazy and bigoted practices which resulted in her untimely demise.

Personally, I think that one Ellen is worth a million sanctimonious medical "professionals" half-assing their way through patient "care." Either treat your patients--all of your patients--with respect or find another profession. 

Sometimes doing the right thing means distancing yourself from people or ideologies who refuse to treat you with respect. I have stopped calling myself a feminist after 46 years of proudly bearing the title. I began identifying as a feminist in 1973 when I was eight years old and sick to death of being told what I couldn't do because I was a girl.

Feminism, however, has changed a lot since then. These days, it seems more and more that feminism is only for women who meet a certain standard of attractiveness, and that certainly doesn't include fat women. In fact, most feminists will tell you that they refute size activism because it "promotes obesity and unhealthy lifestyles." Meanwhile, all fat people, but fat women, in particular, experience great difficulty in obtaining compassionate and competent healthcare. Women's concerns already tend to be dismissed by a sexist healthcare system as "hysterical." Fat women are seen as hysterical, lazy, and stupid.

Our current healthcare system literally kills people due to size bias. This bias, by the way, kills thin people too. A thin person is automatically assumed to be healthy, which leads to health problems being overlooked. Medical "professionals" believe that fat people would all be healthy if they'd just lose weight, thus their real health concerns are overlooked. 

Model and photographer unknown

The fact that fat women are seen by modern feminism as unworthy of activism to improve and in some cases save their lives means that modern feminism is unworthy of my support. This does not mean that I will no longer fight for all women's rights to equal treatment and opportunities. It simply means that I will no longer identify as a feminist while doing so. My actions may be feminist A.F., but until feminism embraces all women, including the round ones and those deemed "unattractive" in other ways, then feminism and I must part ways.

Sly wishes you happy holidays, be you thick or thin, and hopes that one day we can find more reasons to embrace rather than ostracize one another.

~Sly Has Spoken~

Image copyright juliahenze @123rf.com

Blow Your Stack Saturday: Feminism That Turns Against Our Fat Sisters is Not Feminist

I'm still discouraged by the use of the term "promoting obesity" regarding plus-size Instagram models by a feminist activist whose work I've long respected. Regardless of whether one feels these (generally young) women are exploiting themselves or seeking attention by posing in skimpy outfits, they are not, in fact, "promoting obesity.' 

I've heard the dismaying argument that feminism should not support size activism on numerous occasions. To believe this is to believe that a person's size is "a choice" and that everyone could "easily lose weight" if they'd just "eat less and exercise more." If this grossly oversimplified belief were true, there would be virtually no fat people because everyone who could do it would do it. If this oversimplified belief were true, I would have been a willowy twig during the years that I starved myself and engaged in orthorexia. I never was.

The woman above was Ellen Maud Bennett, a 64-year-old Canadian who died from ovarian cancer. Ovarian cancer is highly treatable if detected during the early stages. 

Ellen had complained to doctors of feeling poorly for years. Their response was to tell her that if she lost weight, she'd feel better. When one of them finally decided to take her seriously, it was discovered that she had stage 4 ovarian cancer. She died a short time later.

Ellen did not want her death to be in vain, so she had her family include a letter in her obituary. I hope that everyone will take the time to read it, especially those "feminists" who believe that there is a certain weight at which your sisters should be disowned.

Here is Ellen's obituary.

For evidence-based arguments against current size-shaming medical treatment and societal prejudices against larger people, I recommend these three blogs.

Big Fat Science

Dances With Fat

Heavyweight Heart

Heavyweight Heart, in particular, has discussed the racism that was instrumental in forging our adherence to the hateful and unhealthy belief that a woman can never be too rich or too thin. All of these blogs are rich with scientific evidence against the currently held beliefs that fat is the very worst thing a person can possibly be. 

There are certain conditions that are correlated with a larger body type. Correlation is not causation. Generally speaking, telling a fat patient to lose weight in order to resolve underlying health conditions is like telling a man with male pattern baldness to regrow his thinning hair in order to lessen his chances of developing prostate cancer. There is a correlation between male pattern baldness and an increased likelihood of developing prostate cancer. Thinning hair does not cause prostate cancer. The underlying issue, increased testosterone levels, increases the likelihood of developing prostate cancer.

The Minnesota Starvation Experiment reveals what happens to the body and mind when a person engages in restrictive dieting behaviors. Diets do not work long-term in more than five percent of people who engage in dieting. Most people gain the weight they lost back and then some. After many years of weight loss attempts, the possibility of dieting bringing about significant weight loss sharply decreases.

I for one do not enjoy having every waking moment of my day focused on food because I am starving. I went through thirty-three years of yo-yo dieting, and all it brought me was "failure" and weight gain. Combining dieting behaviors with multiple endocrine conditions was a sure-fire recipe for a large body type. But neither I nor anyone else should be having to defend our right to exist and be treated with common decency in the bodies we have. 

If the majority of my sisters have decided to disown me and other women like me because we are fat, or to give lip service to supporting women of all sizes but then tearing down fat women as being lazy and "glorifying obesity" for not hiding our disgusting fat selves away from the view of decent people, then feminism has let me and my fat sisters down.

I will continue fighting for what's right, but I may no longer be able to identify as a feminist while doing so. I consider this a great loss. I first began identifying as a feminist in 1973 when I was eight years old and already tired as fuck of being told that I couldn't do anything interesting with my life because I was "just a girl."

Now I'm hearing "girls can do anything guys can do, but not if they're fat."

Fuck right off with that shit.

~Sly Has Spoken~

Image copyright juliahenze @123rf.com

Sly's Fat Friday: There Is No "Promoting Obesity"

Apparently, the singer Lizzo went to a Lakers game wearing a mini-dress with the butt cut out. Feminist Current correctly pointed out that this was one of those "WTF" things to do, which I agree with. However, the post then used the term "promoting obesity," and that is where they and I parted ways. The following is my response to the post. The comments are, predictably, a shit storm.

While I agree with pretty much everything you say here, I am disappointed to see the term "promoting obesity" used. In fact, I am disappointed to see the term "obesity" used at all. Obesity is a term used to shame, silence, and deny care to patients with larger bodies. There is no "promoting obesity." Further, that you would say such a thing implies that you feel that larger people are all gluttons who revel in their physique. Nothing could be further from the truth. The reality is, when you are looking at an "obese" person, you are probably looking at someone who is well-acquainted with restrictive dieting. You are most certainly looking at someone who is well-acquainted with self-loathing.

A person's physique does not indicate what or how much they eat as much as you think it does. DNA is the primary factor in determining the physique. Medical conditions and medications also play a factor. There is a high correlation between a heavy body type and poverty.

It is distressing to see the "feminism is for women, but not if they're too fat" ideal in play.

I am one of those horrible fat fatties, and I have always appreciated the fact that Feminist Current didn't seem to buy into this awful idea that women only deserve respect if they are thin enough.

I am also discouraged to see the number of commenters dragging this woman's body type into the conversation. It isn't necessary to mention her body type at all, even to say "nobody of any size should have worn such an asinine outfit." You wouldn't say that if a thin woman had done this. Why say it in this case?

~Sly Has Spoken~

Image copyright juliahenze @123rf.com

Pushing Surgery on Vulnerable People

Artist Unknown

I’m a person with two X chromosomes, aka, a woman. After menopause, I was still experiencing bleeding once a year. It was discovered that I had simple endometrial hyperplasia with normal cells and a uterus full of little fibroids and polyps. This means that I have a 1.5% greater chance than a woman with no endometrial hyperplasia of developing endometrial cancer. 

My OB/GYN was pushing me to have a hysterectomy. My GP was pushing me to have a hysterectomy. The doctor who would be performing the surgery was pushing me to have a hysterectomy.

In the end, I decided that for a very small increase in the possibility of developing endometrial cancer, the risks of hysterectomy were not worth it. If I had abnormal cells and/or complex hyperplasia, I would have had the hysterectomy because the increase in the chance of developing endometrial cancer at that point is 36% greater than for a woman with no hyperplasia.

Further, I feel like there continues to be a pervasive attitude that a post-menopausal woman is no longer able to function as a baby factory, so why should she keep her uterus?

If for no other reason than not wanting to spend two months recovering from major surgery, I tend to be very conservative about having major surgery. I always believe in trying less invasive and catastrophic methods prior to having permanent alterations made to my body.

The Trans Cult convinces vulnerable people that having life-altering surgery performed is THE only way to deal with feelings of dysphoria.

I also have a degree of body dysmorphic disorder and am a large person who tried to hate myself thin over the course of 33 years. It didn’t work.

Instead of having gastric bypass surgery, which would have permanently altered my ability to eat normally (as it happens, I inadvertently end up restricting my food intake because I am food insecure) I did a lot of exploring and discovered the concepts of size acceptance and health at every size. I ended up instead of having a healthy organ (my stomach) amputated telling the diet industry and hateful attitudes towards fat people to go fuck themselves.

I don’t see myself as beautiful and I never will. But I use techniques to cope with my low self-esteem rather than permanently altering my body.

Being a girl in this society is rough. I’m honestly glad that encouraging kids to transition wasn’t a thing when I was young, or I might have ended up believing that I was “actually a boy” because I hated the way girls were treated. Honestly, with the way girls are treated in this society, who would want to be a girl?

Call me crazy, but isn’t it better to fight back against the sexism and homophobia which make people think that they “should” be the opposite sex rather than having procedures to turn you into a permanent medical patient. Shouldn’t you at least give the least invasive option a try first?

~Sly Has Spoken~

Image copyright juliahenze @123rf.com

Sly Speaks: Why I Noped Out of my Hysterectomy

I'm 53 years old and I have a history of sexual trauma and issues with my endocrine system including my reproductive system. I have PCOS. I have a degree of endometriosis, and I have polyps and fibroids in my uterus. The fibroids are small, not some grapefruit-sized thing.

I avoided having pelvic exams for close to 30 years because of past sexual trauma and fear of being shamed for being a larger person. I finally found a doctor I could trust to be honest with about my plumbing problems, so to speak. I see her quarterly because of my endocrine issues. When I told her that I had my "annual period" and was hoping this would be the last year for that mess, she said that wasn't normal and referred me to a gynecologist.

The gynecologist was a very sweet person who made me feel at ease. She never shamed me for my size. She did a D&C, which sucked because I felt like someone had been up in my business with a cheese grater, but I wanted to rule out cancer. The biopsy showed that I have simple endometrial hyperplasia with no cellular atypia. My risk of developing uterine cancer is 1.6% greater than the risk for someone who has no hyperplasia.

Hyperplasia is par for the course in someone with diabetes and PCOS. I produce too much estrogen. My primary care doctor is having me try a bio-identical progesterone, which may reverse some of the issues with my plumbing. One can always hope.

I was scheduled to have a hysterectomy, but I canceled the night before. Let me be clear that I'm not fanatical about women keeping their uterus come hell or high water. My son's best friend's mother had such horrible endometriosis that it had invaded her digestive tract. Some people have fibroids the size of a full-term fetus. There is no reason that these people should be forced to keep an organ that is malfunctioning to that degree. But this is not my case.

I always had miserable periods from hell and was glad when they came to an end. Initially, I was gung-ho to get rid of my reproductive organs, but after doing some research I realized I might be trading one problem for another (i.e. my incontinence could get significantly worse) and the inside of my hoo-hah could turn into the Great Southern Desert for the remainder of my life. In the end, it didn't seem worth it to undergo major surgery for a 1.6% higher risk of possible uterine cancer down the line.

Although two of the doctors involved in the process are women themselves (the person who would have done the surgery is a man) and they were all respectful to me, not a single one of them said a thing about the downside of having a hysterectomy. I think that doctors are taught to have this attitude that post-menopausal women are no longer able to have children, so why not just take the uterus out? But major surgery comes with risks. For me to agree to it, the risks have to outweigh the benefits, and they simply do not in this case.

~Sly Has Spoken~

Image copyright Juliahenze @123rf.com