Showing posts with label objectification of women. Show all posts
Showing posts with label objectification of women. Show all posts

Friday, December 13, 2019

Friday Flashback: Sly Speaks: Me Too: The Workplace Edition

Copyright Tara O'Brien


This post was originally published on 13 December 2018. It was penned by my political alter-ego, Sly Fawkes.

I was thinking back to a "wonderful" incident which happened while I was working as an assistant district manager at the Denver Post in 1986. One of the carriers became friendly with me, initially in a perfectly acceptable and professional way, and I enjoyed our little chats. But then one day he said to me: "I'd like it if I could give you a hug sometime and maybe a kiss."

A lot of you ladies, particularly of my generation or older, will be able to relate when I say that I was trained from a young age to "be a lady" when a situation like this arises and to "not hurt his feelings," so rather than asking him in what the hell universe hitting on his supervisor was appropriate, my first response was to say "I'm married," so I wouldn't hurt his feelings. As if doing this sort of creepy thing would have been appropriate if his target wasn't married.

My initial reaction is to think what a doormat I was for reacting this way. Plus I never even told my supervisor, because I didn't want to get the guy in trouble. But my next reaction is to be angry that I believed his feelings were more important than mine, which was disgust and betrayal.

So, yeah, not going to be angry at my younger self for being taken aback and not behaving in a more assertive fashion in this lurid situation. The guy displayed not only gross sexism in having zero respect for my position of albeit mild authority just because I was a young woman, but he displayed zero respect for me as a human being in seeing me as an object that he could potentially grope and slobber on.

For some reason, when I was younger I seemed to draw a lot of creepers like this to me, probably because I tried to be nice. I'm honestly not at all sorry that my current age tends to render me invisible to this breed of asshole most of the time.

~Sly Has Spoken~

Graphic copyright Juliahenze @123rf.com

Thursday, August 1, 2019

More Thoughts Regarding the Negative Effects of Porn on Girls


protectyoungwomen
 mysteriodontpullout
i think a lot of us are lowkey traumatized by the amount of porn we were exposed to as children and it's a very weird place to be in because generations before ours weren't in a situation where so easily you were unwillingly exposed to pornography. and now if you point out children should not have access to porn you're a prude because we are trying desperately to convince ourselves it was okay and it didn't affect us in a negative way but it did. it did and it's our responsibility to stop this from happening to younger generations
 slysfreespeechspace
More than lowkey. Even the softcore stuff led me to realize that women and girls are not seen as people, they are seen as toys for men to play with. The hardcore stuff really messed with me. I’ve never been able to feel normal about sex. My self-esteem was always terrible because I didn’t look anything like the women in porn magazines or movies. This led me to believe that I was lucky if any guy, no matter how abusive and horrible he was, showed interest in me. I put up with a lot of abuse.
There was one guy who was a huge misogynist and who enjoyed really sick, awful porn, not just people banging. He was into bestiality and forced me to watch it and to kiss his feet. I will never be able to get those images out of my mind. I finally worked up the nerve to get away from him, but it was not anywhere near soon enough.
Source: mysteriodontpullout anti porn 

Sunday, July 28, 2019

Sly's Feminist Book Club: The Emergence of the Movement Lesbian



I intend to review this book myself. However, I have not done so yet. I am currently reading "From Liberty to Magnolia," which is the autobiography of Janice Ellis and details her struggles both as a black girl growing up in the racist Southern United States prior to the Civil Rights Movement and her work within both the Civil Rights and Feminist movements.

In the meantime, please read this well-written review of the featured book. This is my response:

A lot of people don't remember or don't realize just how difficult it was for gay people in times past. The 1990s was when I first started seeing acceptance by the general public and the idea that homosexuality was not deviant or a form of mental illness began to take hold.
As both women and homosexuals, lesbians have faced extreme backlash. There is an unspoken expectation that women will become wives and mothers, the organizers of the husband's household and the producers of the next generation. Like all women, lesbians are objectified in pornographic scenarios. Stereotypes still exist that all lesbian couples consist of a butch "husband" and a femme "wife". Lesbians still struggle with not being seen as people.
I feel very passionate about the subject matter in this book. Although I am not a lesbian myself, I am a feminist and an ally. Lesbians continue to be scapegoated today in many of the same ways they were scapegoated in the past.
Thank you for this well-written review of an important scholarly work which is likely to be overlooked by the general public.

This was my comment on the Book of the Day's Facebook page:
A lot of people don't remember that homosexuality was once widely considered to be "deviant" and a form of mental illness. Lesbians faced double the backlash from both homophobia and sexism.

Women are expected to bear and care for the next generation. Although a lesbian couple is certainly capable of raising a child, the expectation of the general population is that girls will grow up to find and marry their Prince Charming, have 2.5 children with him, and will manage the household. Lesbians receive backlash for disrupting that stereotype.

Further, lesbians are objectified by male pornography, and there continues to be a pervasive idea that all lesbian couples have a butch "husband" and a femme "wife." Books like this are very necessary for breaking down those stereotypes.

Note: some brain trust actually commented that he was "not a fan of lesbians." I refrained from getting into a flame war. I wanted to tell him that I'm not a fan of closed-minded, homophobic bigots.

This was my comment on the book club president's Linked In page:
Although homosexuals overall face less backlash in Western society than they did in times past, lesbians face not only homophobic but sexist backlash.

Lesbians are objectified in pornography which is made for men. They are stereotyped by the belief that a lesbian couple is supposed to have a butch "husband" and a femme "wife." Further, although a lesbian couple is perfectly capable of raising a child, lesbians defy the expectation that little girls are supposed to grow up, find their Prince Charming, have 2.5 children with him, and manage the family's household in the suburbs. "Are you sure you just haven't met the right man yet" is a phrase that many lesbians are still subjected to.

I'm always pleased when books like this one are featured. It has historical value and also addresses a problem which continues to plague society, although it is less prevalent and more covert than it was in the past.


~Sly Has Spoken~

Image copyright juliahenze @123rf.com

Friday, July 26, 2019

Exposure to Porn and PTSD in Girls and Women

Image by Alexas_Fotos from Pixabay

This post may be a bit of a hodgepodge. Bear with me.
The following are comments on a post at Feminist Current regarding PTSD in female adolescents caused by repeated exposure to online pornography. Comments from The Real Cie are my thoughts.
People with mental illness as a whole are being let down by the mental health system.
People with PTSD are being let down by the mental health system.
Women and girls are being let down by the mental health system.
The mental health system needs to be overhauled. However, in a society where people with disabilities are made pariahs and forced into poverty and health care is placed out of reach for many people, I don't foresee changes coming anytime soon.

Pet peeve time:
The word "womxxn" makes my eyes go crossed and my brain go stabby. There are no "womxxn". There are only women. Stop doing this!









minor correction: Bessel van der Kolk is male.
This is such an important subject. I spend way too much time online because I'm isolated 

due to disability and trauma, and I have to say it's actually helped me with some things, 

but it's never the same as healthy in-person relationships. Unfortunately most of us live in large

 cities where it's hard to connect with people. I think we are going to have to redesign cities so 

they are more people friendly, less car-friendly, both in terms of urban design and in terms of 

social structures, so people can connect with more people irl.

That might help with preventing online trauma, but unfortunately, that won't help with trauma

 in the family, which pushes some of us online. I watched a TED video recently (
Watch the video

by Nadine Burke Harris, who talked about ACE scores and how revolutionary it is to know that 

adverse childhood experiences contribute so much to physical health down the road, but when it 

comes to public response, crickets. People find trauma too hard to talk about. I lost my family 

because people find trauma too hard to talk about, so they'd rather push me out than deal with it. 

I guess that's where people who can deal with trauma need to step up.




 

"I'm isolated due to disability and trauma."
Me too. People like us are very vulnerable, and I'm fully aware that no-one gives a flying shit.







You know the stages of grief charts.
I would really like one made for womxxn with ptsd.





    • Avatar



       

      Unless the PTSD is addressed and worked on, I don't know that there are stages for it other than "acute" and "always there fucking up your life forever." 
    • Anyway, those are the two stages I've experienced with it, and addressing and working on it isn't as easy as it sounds when there are monetary and other barriers to finding a therapist. When it comes to therapists, I've had bad experiences and don't trust them damn crooked vultures. I've also found that there is a lot of sexism in therapy and often women's trauma is written off as "female hysteria."

    • " Studies increasingly show that the way young people consume social media, 24/7, is not only leading them to feel less socially connected, but also leading them to decreased mental wellness. "

      I'd agree with this.

      But as the father of a teenage girl who spends much of her life online, I don't necessarily think it's the sexualisation and pornification of the internet that is the biggest problem.

      Online bullying ( mentioned only in passing in this article ) is perhaps a bigger problem. And the feeling that everyone else is ' living their best life ' ( as the expression goes ) while you may be suffering from issues of self-esteem and/or worthlessness, or lack of direction... is perhaps a bigger problem still.

      I've already agreed on previous threads that young people have too much access to porn, and that it's warping their views on sexuality. I have no intention of revisiting that argument now. And I'm not saying that online porn is not a problem.

      But this article seems to be suggesting that it's the main reason why the internet is causing young teens mental health problems. And I don't think that's true.




     

    Since you've made it clear that you enjoy porn and believe that full legalization of prostitution is a positive thing, I doubt you can possibly understand how porn can very negatively impact a young woman even if she is never drawn into it herself.

    My father never treated me as a sex object (thankfully) but he had plenty of adult magazines around. I don't think the early Playboys had a negative impact. Early Playboy had art nudes as opposed to lurid pictures of young women fully spread-eagled and either leering at the camera or looking like a deer in the headlights.

    My father's attitudes towards porn made me realize quite early on that all men, even good men like my father, see women as nothing but pieces of ass. It was upsetting, discouraging, and led me to realize that my father would side with creepy men over me, whom I became aware he saw as a second-class citizen. He may not have been aware of this himself, but he did see me and all women that way.

    My father would always talk about women in terms of their physical appearance, not their accomplishments. Even as an adult, it was discouraging to me when he referred to Winona Ryder as "that plainest of plain Janes". Being quite a plain Jane myself, it cemented for me that my father saw women as things, not people.

    I hope you will at least try to be a little careful of how you present your attitudes regarding women where your daughter is concerned. You may not realize it, but she is probably well aware that her father sees women as objects. You may be a good father in other regards, and I hope I am right in the belief that you do not sexually objectify your daughter. However, a man's attitude towards the objectification of women can have a lifelong impact on his female children. Your attitudes towards porn may be harming your daughter more than you realize.

    Wednesday, May 15, 2019

    Dudebros Be Like + How Stupid Are Wingnuts: Heavy Makeup = True Beauty


    So let's deconstruct how stupid this is. You cherry-pick pictures of heavily made-up young women and place them side by side with pictures of ordinary women who don't have the makeup put on with a trowel. So, according to wing-nut "logic," wearing a crap-ton of makeup must be "true beauty."
    Also, Michael Moore (bottom right corner) is not a woman.

    ~Sly Has Spoken~

    Image copyright juliahenze @123rf.com

    Thursday, February 21, 2019

    The Party: A Modern Tale of Prejudice and Revenge

    Angela Bassett as Marie Laveau was my inspiration for Aunt Mila

    Gabourey Sidibe as Queenie was my inspiration for Maria

    The Party

    Genre: Supernatural/Horror
    Words: 1000
    Content Warnings:
    Body shaming, sexual assault, profanity, sexism
    Rating: PG-13 

    Note:
    This story was originally published on my flash fiction blog for a Halloween  2018 short stories contest. Pretty much to a person, everyone who commented missed the point about the attitudes of sexism and sizeism and the intersection thereof, which led to the abuse of the protagonist. Readers instead fixated on my modernized take on the magical gender-swap revenge exacted on the protagonists. I was admonished that I should not refer to transgenderism in anything but the most glowing light.
    I felt that my reference to gender reassignment was neutral and was only done to put the story in the twenty-first century rather than the nineteenth century. In modern times, gender reassignment surgery is a reality and people are more likely to believe that their relative who has been transformed into the opposite sex underwent gender reassignment surgery than that they were switched to being the opposite sex by magic.
    Perhaps I could have done a better job of imparting this idea, but the story was not about gender reassignment. I was rather appalled that a neutral mention of gender reassignment surgery entirely overshadowed the actual point of the story, which was the way society objectifies women, despises and abuses larger women, and excuses the abuse and objectification of women.
    There was absolutely no intention of belittling the struggles of transgender people when I wrote this story. I simply wished to modernize the setting rather than going with the old "it's magic, I don't need to explain shit" tactic.
    The contentious tale follows below.
    ~Sly~

    “Did they force you to their will, my girl?”
    Ludmila Lum’s angular face bore a staid expression, but Maria could see the little vein in her aunt’s set jaw pulsing. Aunt Mila’s warm brown eyes had gone black as the sky over an angry sea, the kind of sky that produced storms which sent ships to their graves on the ocean floor.
    Mila’s expression softened at the worry in her niece’s eyes. Her bony hand enfolded Maria’s soft, plump one and a gentle smile pulled at the corner of her mouth.
    “It’s all right, Mee-Mee. I am not angry with you. Even if you were drunk or high, even if you were flirting with all the boys. Now, you tell your Auntie Mila, did those boys force you to their will?”
    “It wasn’t…sex,” Maria said softly, looking down at her feet. “I suppose I am making too much of nothing, as the University President said.”
    Maria’s soft, round face, usually so sweet and happy, reflected shame and self-loathing. Ludmila tried not to project anger, lest her sensitive niece believe the ire was directed at her. Maria was a big girl in a world that made no bones about its hatred of soft, pillowy bodies. Ludmila worked hard to teach Maria to love herself as she was, to give her shy, plump niece the confidence that reflected her loving spirit. Ludmila was enraged that awful people had exploited the innocent girl’s attempt at sociability in an unspeakable way.
    “They did not put themselves inside me, Auntie,” Maria explained in a quavering voice. “When they first invited me into the party, they were nice enough. It was guys and girls together, just showing off their costumes, just everybody dancing and having fun. The boy who invited me in, I started to think that perhaps he was falling in love with me, as he seemed only to have eyes for me in those first two hours.”
    “Does this boy have a name?” Ludmila inquired.
    “Omer, Auntie,” Maria revealed quietly.
    “Omer Raines? Doctor Raines’ boy? The one you’ve carried the torch for since you were ten years old?” Ludmila demanded.
    Maria nodded, her body shuddering as she wept.
    “All these years he was my friend,” she sobbed. “In school, he defended me whenever anyone made pig noises at me or called me names. I thought we were destined to be only friends, but at the party, he seemed to echo my feelings. I gave thanks to Erzulie for the gift. ‘His heart echoes my heart,’ I thought, and at that moment, I was so happy.”
    “He brought me to the front of the stage where the band was playing, and he told me to dance,” Maria continued. “’Show the world how beautiful you are, Chere,’ he insisted. ‘Dance for us!’”
    “So, I danced, and at first, it seemed that all the years of hate and shame for this big body were burned away. Here I was, dressed as the Queen of Hearts, but a kind queen, not one calling for heads to roll. Everyone was clapping and cheering, and I was dancing, Auntie! I was getting down, and everyone was getting down with me, and no-one was laughing at me. But then the fraternity president gave a signal with his hands, the band changed their tune, and so did everyone else.”
    “Any special tune they played?” Ludmila inquired, and by the look in her eyes, Maria was sure her aunt knew the tune she meant.
    “The stripper song, you know, the one they always play in cartoons and stuff. I thought it was a joke like maybe some of the fellows would drop their trousers and do a moon, all in fun like that. But then one of the boys called out ‘take it off, Fat Girl.’ I flipped him the bird, still laughing because I thought perhaps it was a joke. But then they started pulling at my clothes, boys and girls alike. There was a blonde girl wearing almost no clothes at all who slapped me and said: ‘you don’t belong at a party, you pig, you belong in a barnyard!’”
    Maria shuddered as she dropped to the floor and rested her head against her aunt’s lap. Each of her niece’s violent sobs threatened to shatter Ludmila’s heart.
    “They tore the front of my dress and exposed my breasts,” Maria revealed. “The boys were grabbing my breasts and slapping my backside. The skinny blonde girl kicked me in the backside and said ‘get your fat, ugly ass away from our party, Petunia Pig! This party is for people only!’”
    “Omer followed me from the party,” Maria continued. “He asked where I was going. I said I was going to the police. He tried to stop me, said it was only a joke that got out of hand. I slapped him and told him to never talk to me again. The police just said I should have known better than to go to such a party. I went right to the home of the University president. He told me that he was sorry it happened and that he would talk to the fraternity President, but he asked me to keep things quiet because we would not want to bring shame upon the school. I have always believed in a just and fair world, Auntie, but I see now there is no justice for people like me.”
    “There will be justice,” Ludmila reassured her niece. “You rest now, my love.”
    While Maria slept, Ludmila worked her spell.
    “Justice is served,” the Voodoo priestess declared, leaning back in her chair.
    A day later, there were multiple articles about the sudden rash of gender reassignment surgeries among students and faculty at Bayou College. The wives of both the University president and the chief of the campus police publicly expressed their shock, and local doctor Henri Raines declared that he’d no inkling that so many students, including his own former son Omer, were seeking gender reassignment surgery.

    ~The Real Cie~


    Thursday, December 13, 2018

    Sly Speaks: Me Too: The Work Edition

    Copyright Tara O'Brien

    I was thinking back to a "wonderful" incident which happened while I was working as an assistant district manager at the Denver Post in 1986. One of the carriers became friendly with me, initially in a perfectly acceptable and professional way, and I enjoyed our little chats. But then one day he said to me: "I'd like it if I could give you a hug sometime and maybe a kiss."
    A lot of you ladies, particularly of my generation or older, will be able to relate when I say that I was trained from a young age to "be a lady" when a situation like this arises and to "not hurt his feelings," so rather than asking him in what the hell universe hitting on his supervisor was appropriate, my first response was to say "I'm married," so I wouldn't hurt his feelings. As if doing this sort of creepy thing would have been appropriate if his target wasn't married.
    My initial reaction is to think what a doormat I was for reacting this way. Plus I never even told my supervisor, because I didn't want to get the guy in trouble. But my next reaction is to be angry that I believed his feelings were more important than mine, which was disgust and betrayal.
    So, yeah, not going to be angry at my younger self for being taken aback and not behaving in a more assertive fashion in this lurid situation. The guy displayed not only gross sexism in having zero respect for my position of albeit mild authority just because I was a young woman, but he displayed zero respect for me as a human being in seeing me as an object that he could potentially grope and slobber on.
    For some reason, when I was younger I seemed to draw a lot of creepers like this to me, probably because I tried to be nice. I'm honestly not at all sorry that my current age tends to render me invisible to this breed of asshole most of the time.

    ~Sly Has Spoken~

    Graphic copyright Juliahenze @123rf.com

    Wednesday, March 22, 2017

    Marines Nude Photo Scandal and Apologizing for Predatory Men


    What is wrong with these assholes? Men and service people should both be furious with them. They make the Marines look bad, and they make men look like creepy, immature, misogynistic predators.
    There are some who use this as a "reason" why women shouldn't be allowed to serve in the Military, because, apparently, men are predators who don't know how to behave themselves in the presence of women. If I were a man, I would be very angry about this attitude.
    Oddly enough, when working in mixed company, I do not and never have felt the need to jump the bones of every man I work with, and posting nude photos of them without their permission would never have occurred to me. It would have been fairly easy for me to obtain nude photos of men I'd worked with about 20 years ago, as I was working as an artist's model for part of my income.
    So, in that instance, I sometimes posed with male models. Who were naked, and so was I. We didn't touch each other. We chatted with each other to pass the time. There was no "ZOMG, we have to have sex NOW!" attitude. 
    Mature people can behave respectfully around persons of the opposite sex (or the same sex, if they are homosexual) and not try to get everybody in the sack. 
    Insisting on treating other people like sex objects is NOT normal behavior. We should stop excusing such behavior by saying things like "boys will be boys." Most boys (and men) are not predators by nature. Let's quit apologizing for and defending those who behave in a predatory fashion.

    ~Sly Has Spoken~

    Copyright juliahenze +123RF.com 

    Wednesday, February 15, 2017

    Sly Says: Stop Calling People Sluts

    Emily Ratajkowski

    "The unabashedly political Emily Ratajkowski wore a pink pantsuit to a NYFW 2017 event. Melania Trump has an unlikely celebrity in her corner. Model, actress, and outspoken body-confidence and feminist advocate Emily Ratajkowski is stepping up to defend the first lady against a slut-shaming attack she recently overheard."

    A few things:

    Stop using the term “slut shaming.” We need to not be calling people sluts.
    Emily Ratajkowski is not a feminist, she is a women’s liberationist. They are different things.
    Women’s liberation is about being “sexually liberated.” Feminism is critical of the objectification of women. Objectification is not empowerment.
    This being said, calling Melania Trump a “hooker” is rude and uncalled for. I honestly don’t care a fig about the photos she posed for in the past. She is not the one wreaking havoc on the United States. Her husband and his cabinet of deplorables are. Focus on them.

    ~Sly Has Spoken~


    Copyright juliahenze@123rf.com

    Happy 52nd birthday to me.